She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
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