non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
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