If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
if only i could text you this smell
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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