Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
