I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
As shirtless as possible
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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