There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
