you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
