We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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