who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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