dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
