Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
He felt like a one man threesome
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
