Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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