I am puke
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
