I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Randomize
