My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize