I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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