She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
