Jerry, you need to find god
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
