new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
