whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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