you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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