One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
