i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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