So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
He felt like a one man threesome
Church boner. Awkwardddd
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
