My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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