I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
