when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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