note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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