He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
