i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
