I feel like I'm in dance class right now
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
