I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
