I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Randomize
