OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
