Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Randomize
