This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
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