I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
