So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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