I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
