Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
