yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
We talked him into tasing himself.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
