This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I wish you could order shots online.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
My vagina is very pro this idea
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