if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
