I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize