Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
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