i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
