my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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