We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
