good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
