i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
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