I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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