You just made me feel so damn special
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
The adults are the big ones right?
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
