he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Randomize
