It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
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