Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Randomize
