im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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