My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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