I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
