wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize