No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
