i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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