she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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