i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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