Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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