he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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