We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
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